my cortisol. my cortisol. I want to kill you for just a split moment before I remember why I would never do that. I love you and I can't help it. I can't let you notice how hard my heart is beating. Am I breathing heavily? I don't want to lose you. I've been forced into fight-or-flight and it is not my finger on the trigger. I would so much rather do the latter if it wouldn't leave you lonely and confused for a few moments, before suddenly I am normal and I am okay and you remember that I love you and how have I lived like this for so long because when I hear the wrong sound time stops and I want to scream--
silence, please, please. please. but there is no such thing.